Paging Dr. Cotwwsb, MD

Sometimes you just don't wanna go to work. Here are some made-up diseases you can tell your boss you have when you call in, courtesy of the medical professionals here at Sacred Crotchgroin.

PDBF (Post Douchebag Behaviour Fallout)
This is what you get when you behave very badly and then have to deal with repercussions. Notable previous cases include Haley James Scott post-Chris Keller tour, Angel every time he regains his soul, and season seven Willow Rosenberg. Possible treatments include winning back Nathan, brooding a lot until people feel sorry for you, and making cookies for everyone you were mean to.

Peeping Chad
A horribly unpleasant condition which causes the sufferer to hallucinate Chad Michael Murray peeping out from behind every corner, door frame, or window. Sometimes brought on by watching either too much One Tree Hill (Excessive Peeping Chad) or not enough (Deficient Peeping Chad). Can lead to the onset of Hathan's Cruciatele (see below).

Yankocentric Misperception
Upon trying to listen to a song which has been parodied in some way by "Weird Al" Yankovic, the person afflicted with this illness can only perceive Yankovic's parody. He or she is literally unable to hear or remember the original version of the song. Meaghan gets this whenever she hears Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise."

Cruciatele
(Pronounced "cru-sha-TELL-y.") Sufferers are unable to go to work due to the need to watch an extremely important event on television. They simply cannot miss whatever it is; doing so will cause anxiety, nausea, and possibly heart palpitations. Has frequently been diagnosed in sports fans, but can occur in regular old TV watchers as well. Naturally, anyone who's read Harry Potter will assume you're in excruciating pain when you say you've got this. A sub-type of cruciatele is Hathan's Cruciatele, in which the victim must watch a massive amount of One Tree Hill in order to overcome a case of Deficient Peeping Chad.
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